Are you up to the test!?

Ice cream vans are to be banned from going near schools. What the fuck!? Apparently the ice creams vans are too much of a risk to a kids healthy lifestyle, what a load of bollocks.

When I was a young 'un my favourite part of the day was seeing the ice creams vans park up in front of the school, then plan in my head the quickest route through the cloak room, to my mum (to get some cash), then down to the van before any other of my fellow snipes. I ran faster than the fucking Flash, im sure that burnt far more calories than my 99 added. Oh, do 99s still cost 99p? I bet they don't, much in the same way that penny sweets cost 10p each.

It's another blow for personal responsibility. I imagine the teachers will address the parents thusly - 'Relax parents, you won't have to feel shit that your kid has become a porker by gorging himself on ice cream because you were too much of a coward to put your foot down. We've gone and banned ice cream vans coming near the school! What's that you say? The fizzy drinks and chocolate we sell in school? Hypocritical? Erm.... fuck off!'

This reminds me of last year when the Cookie Monster had to give up cookies as he was promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. People who think shit like spend too much time thinking if you ask me. What about the fat bloke I see outside the window muching a chocolate bar. Isn't he promoting an unhealthy lifestyle? Should we ban him from leaving his house? It's utter madness.

This whole story has well and truly took the flake out of my 99 (im hoping to start a new saying).