Are you up to the test!?

You know what really winds me up?

When a cashier, after processing your purchase gives you your note (notes if your a bit rich), then your receipt and lastly your coins on top, all at once, into your hand. Throw in the annoyed look said cashier gives you as you fumble about trying to sort these disparate items while they've got more customers to serve and it leaves me feeling really cheesed off.

It's a frustrating social situation, I have one hand full holding on to the item I've just bought and the other is full due to reasons listed above. Im too tight to risk coin dropage by moving so I have to maneuver all these items to their respective homes as quick as possible, which even with my years of practice still takes about a minute and a half.

I know I could thrust them all into one pocket then sort it out later but should I have to?
Is it so hard to put the receipt in the bag? Couldn't you hand me the note then the coins straight after? How many hands/limbs do you think I've got? Im sorry but you're not dealing with an octopus today as I suspect is your usual customer but a mere two armed human with moderate to poor hand-eye-coordination.

Wouldn't it have been funny if there was a WHSmith on the Nautilus? I bet there was a Subway, those fuckers are everywhere. I bet even Nemos hate of the land based human population couldn't have overcome his crews love of the footlong BLT.

I had yet another amazing idea yesterday.

We're all agreed that clowns are strange and unpleasant? Of course we are. Well, you know the way that there is a sex offenders register on the internet where you can print out pictures of kiddy fiddlers and put them up in pubs in the hope of some vigilante justice? Well, how about the kinda same thing for clowns?

That would be ideal really as when im researching somewhere that im going to in the near future im always thinking 'Whats the average clown to normal person ratio?'. With this I could just go on the clown register and find out how many are at large in that area. It would also be good when buying a home as that would be my first question 'Are there any clowns in the neighborhood?'. If yes I'd be out of there faster than you could say bobo.

If theres any clowns reading this I hope you're trembling in fear. You're days of hiding in those big tops are rapidly coming to an end you nightmare inducing freaks of nature.

Just planning a trip at the mo and have a little question for an airline, to try and not be a bother I went through their frequently asked questions. They were the best bit of reading I've done in a long time -

You want to know about the carry on rules applying to a wedding dress? You got it.
Worried about traveling with your surfboard? All the answers you seek are there.
Whats the policy on incinerated human remains? Don't worry, that's covered.
And to put everyones minds to rest 'Antlers or horns are accepted as checked baggage only'.

I love the madness which is the human race.

Just so you know, my question wasn't to be found. Can't have been asked frequently enough.

Yes, my home computer has died a thousand deaths and must now go to a place where there are people more capable than I (that is in fact most places) who will prod and poke it back to life. Hopefully.

It's amazing the line of dialogue you will open with an inanimate object when it's failing to work. Something that you usually only pay the most percursory notice to will suddenly be receiving petitions and threats to varying degrees which it can't possibly respond to. Or at least chooses not to.

Im trying to look at this in the most philosophical light possible, I beleive that the computer is infact exercising its right to passive rebellion due to its forced co-operation in the drivel I force upon the internet.

You know in films like the Terminator where the computers became sentient and decide to destroy mankind? Wouldn't it be laughable if computers became sentient in the real world? With all the bizarre ramblings, odd videos and useless information on the internet you wouldn't exactly have Hal 9000 would you? You'd just a have blithering idiot/misfit who had a propensity to send e-mails to strangers.

Im sorry if you like those 'Most Haunted' shows but I find them fucking boring. The only good one was that one that had Lister in it, 'Ghostwatch', as it had special effects and shit. All these ones nowadays just have nighttime vision surveillance of dark corridors and sod all else *yawn*

You know what I'd do to beef up these so called scary shows? Get that chick off the Poltergeist (if shes still alive) to present, you know the one that gives it 'Carol Anne, stay away from the light', just her voice gives you the shivers. Seriously, she shits me up. I think she did some of the crazy noises in the Exorcist although I might have dreamt that.

I was out and about last night, yes, a Tuesday night, a school night but fuck it, im a wild one me. I don't really have anything to type about but if I don't type something today they'll be nothing for another week and it's either this or some poetry and you don't deserve to be subjected to more of that so soon.

Being a student night last night (isn't every night a student night?) bottles of beer were merely a pound and even though I didn't really want to drink that much, at those prices I'd have been a fool not to.

A friend of mine who is very hirsute and somewhat rotund was asked for ID before going into one establishment, the very thought that he could be under the age of 18 is absolutely ludicrious. Although I myself do get asked for ID, infact the older ive gotten the more I get asked for it, that's a labour government for you.

This nightclub I was in had an interesting system of television screens which would put up a text message or picture if you sent it to them. At first there was a really interesting discussion on who was truly better - the Autobots or the Decepticons. Which obviously led to questions about the Dinobots and Centuarians, obviously.
But it soon degenerated into a serious of 'such and such uni is shit', 'nah, your met is shit', 'oh, that bird is fit', 'who me?', 'no, not you, you minger, your mate' and so on and so forth. I lost count of the number of Borat quotes, niiiiiiiiice.

An interesting number of tv theme tunes, I was loving it when they played fresh prince of bel air, not sure why people got so excited about the friends theme though. No saved by the bell, what amateurs.

I've forgotten the good fun of a night out, walking down the main street at two in the morning I saw a man being sick into the road, a woman throw a can of beer at a night club and two men falling about, all this in the space of five feet. Excellent.

I now realise that this must read like a night out from one of the dullest men alive, for which I do apologise, I am's what I ams, as Popeye would say.

Don't you hate it when you find out that someone you like is dead? I've been a Sublime fan for a while now and only yesterday did I find out that one of the main dudes, Brad Nowell, is dead and that's why the band broke up. Kinda of weird to be listening to a dead person and not even know.

The title of this post is a paraphrase of one of my favourite lines in cinema, from the now (in my mind) classic Mallrats. It's when TS hears that the fat girl has had an aneurysm, 'She's fucking dead?!', I love the anger and annoyance behind it as I've thought/think the same thing myself.

I want to stress that im no way angry toward the people that have died, that would be stupid. Im angry at the world for taking away someone who I wish was still here. Which is possibly the most selfish and self centered way of considering another persons death.

It's like the day I discovered Chris Farley was dead, what a bummer that was.

Brad Nowell, the next time I rock out to 'Wrong Way' I'll be thinking of you.