Are you up to the test!?

Im bored, so for my own amusement and possibly yours we're going to put the best of the best up against each to determine who is the greastest!

The Greatest Monkey - King Kong vs Donkey Kong

Two goliaths of popular culture both with a love of bananas, King Kong obviously famous for his love of women a twentieth his size and climbing the Empire State building while Donkey Kong is better known for his barrel throwing and kart driving skills. In a fight King's got the advantage being so huge but who has provided the greater amount of entertainment hours during his career? Sure King Kongs had a number of remakes but Donkey has the backing of Nintendo.

Winner - Donkey Kong, I used to have Donkey Kong country for the Snes, it was great!

The Greastest Speedster- The Flash vs Billy Whizz

Both faster than a speeding bullet, the mantle of the Flash has been worn by a number of heroes over at DC comics while theres only one Billy over at the Beano. Impossible to say who the faster is as they exist in alternate comic worlds but Billy Whizz takes it with his humorous stories.

Winner - Billy Whizz, am I the only one who think it weird that he's got antenna?

The Greatest Villain - Darth Vader vs Skeletor

Well Skeletor had a sword whereas Vaders got a lightsabre, way more impressive. Skeletor had his misshapen henchmen but Vader had the storm troopers as well as the Death Star (whenever the pesky rebels weren't blowing it up). Tough one as I'd say Skeletor is scarier but Vader is more powerful.

Winner - Darth Vader, closer than you would have thought, it was Vaders use of the force that swung it for me.

The Greatest Whale - Moby Dick vs Willy (of Free Willy fame)

Now this is a tough one, Willy is a Killer Whale which is very cool but old Moby is fucking huge. Although I have nothing against the Wales that played Willy (im good friends with Shamu but thats for another time), I don't like Willy, too friendly toward humans for my liking.

Winner - Moby Dick, Ahab was right to be so obsessed with him.

The Greatest Detective - Batman vs Poirot

I love both Batman and Poirot, both their skills in the field of detection are amazing. Poirot knows the score way before anyone else in the book and loves giving out annoying little clues, while Batman is the worlds greatest detective, which comes handy in Gotham were there's more crimes that you can shake a Batarang at. In case anyones wondering my favourite actor to play Batman was Kevin Conroy.

Winner - Draw. Both are fantastic, I would love to know see a Batman/Poirot crossover although I imagine it would be a bit difficult.

The Greatest Wizard - Merlin vs Gandalf

Two grey haird old duffers in robes but shit hot with a magic staff. Merlin obviously famous for his days back with Arthur and all that, I saw the mini series with Sean Neil and wasn't terribly impressed. Gandalf, the greatest Ishtari surely? Friend to humans, hobbit and elves alike, has also been in a successful trilogy.

Winner - Gandalf, with his promotion from Grey to White (not sure who oversees these things) it's clear he's the ultimate magic man.
And so the first great clash of the titans is over, it's a shame some kind of after award party can't be held, probably for the best really, I'd struggle to find a place that could house a giant whale.