Miniature Interview - Freddy Kreuger
Time for another interview and this time we've got someone very special, the star of the very famous Nightmare on Elm Street series, yes, the disfigured child murderer, Freddy Kreuger.
Hello Freddy. Hiya.
Now Freddy how did you get started in Hollywood? It's made out to be very difficult but you seemed to manage it with ease.
Well, I was in the right place at the right time really, the casting director was looking for a scarred, hideous bloke who wears a knife gauntlet, as you can imagine there aren't a lot blokes who match that description *laughs*. I was in line for soup when I was spotted, this posh bloke came up to me and I thought I was in trouble for sleeping in front of Debenhams the night before but no, a bloody movie deal! I couldn't believe it.
You famously sold big issues, since becoming very wealthy I understand you've contributed a great deal to the organisation.
I have, I've also offered to pose for one of their front covers but they've so far declined, very odd that.
Now then, at the end of Freddy vs Jason you'd been beaten, what do you say to fans that accuse you of taking a dive?
They're right of course, I was on a strict contract that I lose that film, apparently test audiences didn't take as well to the alternate ending where I kill Jason, then finish off the job started with Kelly Rowland and go after the rest of the Destiny Child, after which Jay-Z vows revenge on me for killing Beyonce. The intention was to do a follow up, Freddy vs Jay-Z.
Have you kept in touch with Jason?
I've seen once or twice yeah. Bit of a quiet bloke but from one professional to another I respect him.
What about Wes Craven?
Well, he doesn't want to know does he? Did the first one, we all got very rich then didn't want to know, that last one he did with me was utter shite but he didn't have any problem releasing it. Then he did that Scream, I'd have been perfect for that, ah well, fuck him.
You've done very well with the Freddy line of merchandise? Did you expect to do so well?
I can't say I did, as a miniature man who played a murdering spirit of a child molester who'd been killed by angry vigilantes I thought there wouldn't be a huge market for my stuff but I was proven wrong. They even do Freddy Kruger pajamas, crazy.
What can we expect to see you in next?
Well im getting a bit tired of the old murdering lark, I fancy doing something with a bit more depth, I've been auditioning recently for parts in classic drama, had a try for Pride and Prejudice but no luck. As soon as they see me they think 'Nightmare on Elm Street bloke' and that's fair enough but they've got to realise that im an actor of experience and deserve a chance to explore other aspects of my acting skill.
And one final question. You've got the knife gauntlet, fair enough but when you're doing you're killing why don't you where two gantlets? It would greatly increase you're slashing ability.
*Pause* Bugger, I'd never thought of that.
Hello Freddy. Hiya.Now Freddy how did you get started in Hollywood? It's made out to be very difficult but you seemed to manage it with ease.
Well, I was in the right place at the right time really, the casting director was looking for a scarred, hideous bloke who wears a knife gauntlet, as you can imagine there aren't a lot blokes who match that description *laughs*. I was in line for soup when I was spotted, this posh bloke came up to me and I thought I was in trouble for sleeping in front of Debenhams the night before but no, a bloody movie deal! I couldn't believe it.
You famously sold big issues, since becoming very wealthy I understand you've contributed a great deal to the organisation.
I have, I've also offered to pose for one of their front covers but they've so far declined, very odd that.
Now then, at the end of Freddy vs Jason you'd been beaten, what do you say to fans that accuse you of taking a dive?
They're right of course, I was on a strict contract that I lose that film, apparently test audiences didn't take as well to the alternate ending where I kill Jason, then finish off the job started with Kelly Rowland and go after the rest of the Destiny Child, after which Jay-Z vows revenge on me for killing Beyonce. The intention was to do a follow up, Freddy vs Jay-Z.
Have you kept in touch with Jason?
I've seen once or twice yeah. Bit of a quiet bloke but from one professional to another I respect him.
What about Wes Craven?
Well, he doesn't want to know does he? Did the first one, we all got very rich then didn't want to know, that last one he did with me was utter shite but he didn't have any problem releasing it. Then he did that Scream, I'd have been perfect for that, ah well, fuck him.
You've done very well with the Freddy line of merchandise? Did you expect to do so well?
I can't say I did, as a miniature man who played a murdering spirit of a child molester who'd been killed by angry vigilantes I thought there wouldn't be a huge market for my stuff but I was proven wrong. They even do Freddy Kruger pajamas, crazy.
What can we expect to see you in next?
Well im getting a bit tired of the old murdering lark, I fancy doing something with a bit more depth, I've been auditioning recently for parts in classic drama, had a try for Pride and Prejudice but no luck. As soon as they see me they think 'Nightmare on Elm Street bloke' and that's fair enough but they've got to realise that im an actor of experience and deserve a chance to explore other aspects of my acting skill.
And one final question. You've got the knife gauntlet, fair enough but when you're doing you're killing why don't you where two gantlets? It would greatly increase you're slashing ability.
*Pause* Bugger, I'd never thought of that.
