Are you up to the test!?

The only dampener on the event was that Coldplay headlined it.

Where to start? The audience I suppose, they mainly consisted of people I find disagreeable, all in their thirties and looking pretty sad. With all the Black Motorolla Razrs and Thai Brides I saw I think Chris Martin should do a song about them.

How about -

It writes itself really, I'd suggest calling it 'Another small fortune for Coldplay'.

Its a bit of a cliche to take a pop at Chris Martin but fucking hell, the mans a lunatic, the way he runs about the place reminds me of a child with a learning difficulty, I'd recommend putting him on medication, quickly followed by an overdose.

I particularly found it interesting how he kept annoying the bloke who played lead guitar, ruffling his hair or tugging on his arm, if Liam Gallaghers tried that shit with his brother there would be a fight so explosive that all three of the major emergency services would need contacting, probably throw in cave rescue as well (you never know).

I also have a a bone to pick with the price of merchandise at said event, now I've seen some over pricing in my lifetime but the Coldplay programs broke all prior records at a staggering twelve pounds (Hasn't everyone involved with that band made enough money yet?), I had a quick peep at one, it didn't even look very good. Just pictures of the band and some nonsensical catchphrases 'How can you know yourself if you've never been anyone else?', yeah, you're clearly a great thinker, calling you're daughter Apple was inspired, wait, did I say inspired? I meant insipid.

After the gig I was looking for a Richard Ashcroft T-Shirt from the dodgy blokes who kick about afterwards, not a single one in sight, just truckloads of Coldplay t-shirts and hoodies in varying colours. Upon asking a bloke if he had any Ashcroft t-shirts he just said 'No', Richard Ashcroft, a bloke who was part of one of the greatest bands of the nineties doesn't even warrant his own dodgy t-shirt, what a sorry state of affairs.