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Tuesday, November 08, 2005 

Now that's what I call dead wrestlers!

Wrestling, be it the WWF (or the WWE as it's known these days *shakes head* like anyone’s going to get confused about a punch of sweaty guys and some fucking pandas), or the WCW, (which we all know was a poor mans WWF, although I have to admit it was interesting when Mike Tyson joined) what we have to keep in mind is that its totally fake.

Be that as it may it provided countless hours of enjoyment when I was young and foolish, I remember staying up to an ungodly hour one year to watch a Wrestlemania live and I once wept when hearing the results of a Royal Rumble. Don't even get me started on Macho Mans' wedding during Summer Slam.

So I thought I'd compile a list of my favorite seven wrestlers who are now dead, as these post mortem superstars deserve to be remembered.

7 - Big Boss man
I'll never forget his battle with the Mounty, at the end of which the Boss man was victorious and the Mounty was taken away to spend the night in the cells. Fantastic. The big lad died of a heart attack which isn't very exciting so he’s in at seven.

6 - Yokozuna
What a legend, I still remember his battle with Hulk Hogan which ended in controversy when Hogan was blinded by a cameraman who jumped into the ring. Yoko’s greatest moment must be when about 15 blokes tired to tip him out of the ring on one Battle Royale but failed to do so. Another heart attack, sorry Yoko but not very original.
5 - Andre The Giant
I only saw him battle once or twice but what a show! Im not sure how he died, probably from being too tall which is quite interesting, so he’s in at 5.

4 - Mr.Perfect
I really liked Mr.Perfect, sure he was a bit full of himself but he was cocky, in a good way and I generally liked his style. The highlight for me was when he was bigging himself up on a basketball court and he threw a ball the length of the court and then ran after it and managed to catch it. Perfect. He died mysteriously in a hotel, what a tremendous death! Well done Mr.P.

3 - Texas Tornado
I don't really remember any of his fights but he’s in at number 3 due to his death. Overdosed in a toilet just before his fight, obviously his opponent was a bit surprised but probably glad for the easy win.

2 - The British Bulldog
I used to love the Bulldog, I had Wrestlemania for my Megadrive and would almost always play as Bulldog. His death brings him at number two just because it's so confused. The only thing anybody really knows is that he died in Canada, beyond that its all guess work. Stories range from him chocking on a chicken bone to drowning in a swimming pool, the fact that a convicted murderer was staying at the same hotel at the time doesn't really help. A coroners report revealed that his body was a bit fucked from steroids but that’s about it. Tremendous way to die their Bulldog, you've left a legacy which will make you live forever, well obviously not live but you get the idea.

1 - Owen Heart
No big surprise im sure to wrestling fans but you've got to admit, when you think celebrity + public death you can't help but then think 'Owen Heart'. I liked the whole arc of Owen coming out from big Brets shadow and becoming his own man and THEN becoming Brets arch nemesis, you remember all that shit about the suplex? Bret taught Owen how to perform the move but did he ever teach him how to get out of it? Who gives a shit, the fact is that when Owen went flying into those ropes and broke his neck he simultaneously flew into the number one spot of dead wrestlers here on 'This Is Totally Going In My Blog'.

Andre the giant had a weird disiese that made him grow constantly throughout his life. His heart was huge. Then he died. I only know this cos of a biography and that Billy Crystal film (My Giant) which was in memory of him.

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