Miniature Interview - Fred Jones
It's a lonely place here at uptothetest, as you may or may not have guessed. Even though Vegeta coming in a week or so ago was well, colourful, it did make for a nice change of pace. Yet again I'd resigned myself to being sidekick-less (yes, that is a real term) forever when there was a knock this morning, apparently Vegetas appearance here at the blog has caused something of a stir in the miniature world, people are talking, and one gentleman has come forward to speak with us today.
Hello Fred. *Nods his head* How do. what's brought you along to uptothetest? Well... Vegetas an old mate of mine, a bit excitable at times but he's a laugh like, down the local and when I saw him here on the blog, well, it got me thinking. You want to apply as my sidekick? No lad, are you daft!? My days of adventuring are over, and I was never the most intellectual bloke, to be honest we had Velma for that back in the day. So what are you thinking? Well, I want to set a few things straight once and for all. People have got the wrong idea about what went on back in the days of Mystery Inc and its time people know the truth. Well im honored you'd come to me but again why. Well?, first off you seem to be the sort of bloke that'd give a miniature man a fair chance to speak his mind, second, you also seem to be the sort of geek that would have ready prepared questions for one of the cast of Scooby Doo cast should they ever turn up at your door. *Bloody hell, he's right!* I like the way you think Fred, let me just grab the questions and Ill be right. Ok.
Right then, a hard question to start with Fred, why did Mystery Inc disband?
Aye, that is a tough one, but fair. Now some'll say that it was that business with Velma, others reckon it was Scrappy that finally made us snap. God I hated scrappy. Me too, the little gobshite he was but that's beside the point. No, in the end we'd all being doing it too long, Shaggy, Jesus, I fear to think what he was taking toward the end and Scooby wasn't getting any younger. Things between me and Daphne were already going sour, looking back im amazed we didn't call it day earlier than we did. It's no easy getting old.Why in gods name was Scrappy allowed to join the team... really?
Well, you know that Scrappy wasn't the first grade-a wanker that joined up with us, you ever met that bloody Scooby Dum,? Jesus, how he manages to place that hat on his head every mornings a miracle and Scooby Dee, bloody hell, you don't want to know what was going on there for Scooby Doo to pull the strings and get her a spot on the show. Actually that was one of my questions. Well forget it, lets just say they were both young, foolish and very drunk, let sleeping dogs lye eh? *Hmmmm, not sure if he's secretly trying to tell me something there* anyways, Scrappy was later, and really, hate him as much as you want but it was Scooby Doo that cocked up there, he got this nasty bitch pregnant, smart she was too, threated to take old Doo to the cleaners but he somehow talked her out of it with getting their bastard on the show, Christ, he was a jammy bastard old Scoob but well, who liked us after he joined?
Not many people. So with my Scooby Dee question a no go, can you tell what you meant earlier with this 'Velma business'?
Your a crafty one! But I suppose that's why I came to ya, alright, this may seem like no big deal now but back in the day it was a shocker to learn that a close friend was gay. Velma was a lesbian!? Is that what they call them these days? Anyway, aye, she was gay, very much so, I guess we were all too into our own stuff at the time to notice. No one was particularly bothered, infact I think Shaggy was kinda turned on by it to be honest. Now legend has it there was some legendary romp with Vel, Daph and myself but its all bollocks, Vel and Daph were friends and nowt happened there, one of my biggest regrets to be honest *chuckles*.
So I guess my question about a Shaggy-Velma connection is pointless to ask! Oh, well, would you mind voicing your opinions on Freddie Prinze Jnr?
Who? The actor who played you for the feature film. Oh, him. Well to be honest I thought he was a cocky little shit, he barely spent anytime trying to learn anything about my character, saw me as one big cliche he did. Well, you know what? I saw him as one big tosser. Im not happy on the casting there but I didn't have any say in it so im not really bothered, its not my cock up.
Do you keep in touch with any of the gang?
A bit, I see Shaggy every now and then, he's a blinding lad, I have to say that although he had that dodgy spot in rehab, he's been a good friend through the years. Probably the only one I can call a friend from the original lot. Am I jealous of all the totty he had while I was with Daphne? Sure, but you know what? I wouldn't change a thing even if I could. So you don't see Daphne much then? Been a good few years, well, we were far too young to get married but we were famous, rich and mad about each other. But it was all far too fast, no suprise really it exploded the way it did. You had a secret marriage while doing the show!? I did. Bloody hell, you dark horse. *Laughs* Thanks lad. What about Velma? I saw her about a year or so ago with her, what's the word? Girlfriend? I must admit they looked a lot happier than most people you see these days, good luck to them I say. What about Scooby Doo? I'd rather not say, I've got my reasons, anyways, could we call it a day eh? Im getting a bit tired to be honest and I've said all I wanted to say. Sure thing, whatever you want.
Well I must say a big thank you Fred, this will be more than enough to tide over the blog. Not at all son, not at all, it does me good to get some of it off my chest. If you're ever down our way pop in, I'll buy you a pint. I might just do that Fred *shakes hand* Say 'Hello' to Vegeta for me would you? Sure thing, he'll probably be there now knowing him *laughs*, I might nip in there now for a sly one.
*Fred leaves for his local pub *
As Fred walks into the darkness leaving me with these revelations I can't help but hope that others will be inspired by what happened here today, could one day soon another miniature legend be at my door? Lets hope so, because god knows im running out of ideas.
