Communication break down? Fuck off!
E-Mail is THE way to communicate today. I love e-mail. No change that, I fucking love e-mail. It's so cool and instantaneous, also, with it's expanding use in not just the business world but also the day to day interaction of people it's allowing for greater opportunities of avoiding our fellow man.
E-mail has made phone calls obsolete. Who wants to ring someone up? No one, not really. What people want to do is either talk to the person face to face, e-mail them or not contact them at all. I don't like phone calls, unless its with someone I know really well (like my parole officer) otherwise they're just frustrating. I watched a fascinating film on human interaction, it was called Hitch, in it the Fresh Prince of Bell-Air explains that the majority of human communication is in body language or possibly that its ok to be dorky and fat if you're mega rich, something like that, im not sure, I was keeping my eyes peeled for a Jazzy Jeff cameo that never came, what a wasted opportunity.
Phone calls blow, if they're short and to the point they're bearable, if for instance you phone up your local take-away and order a pizza its ok, you communicate something, the other guy is cool with it, boom, that's it, done, just sit back and wait for your pizza, also it might be a good idea to get together some cash.
When it's long winding conversations and your in the middle of something there's nothing worse, when was the last time someone rang you up and they actually asked if you were busy? Everyone seems to have this preconceived idea that you'll be thrilled that they rang you, well it aint fucking so.
While im on the topic of how phones suck, what's the deal with answering machines these days, specifically leaving messages. I can count on one hand the number of times someone has left a useful message and im not asking for much, 'Errr, this is Jeff, calling about Lost', that would be fantastic, I'd know who rang and have an idea about what they wanted to talk about, how amazing would that be! But no, every message is just the sound of someone hanging up, was what they were calling about of such little importance that they couldn't leave a sentence to sum it up? Probably.
You know what else e-mail has made obsolete? Fax. Fax is the demon of the Office world, it's this undead monstrosity which does its utmost to cause suffering to the living. I would take a baseball bat to every fax machine in the world if I could. The amount of times I've stumbled round an office looking for a fax machine or had to find a roll of paper for one, or an ink cartridge, or set one going only to find out what you've got is a phone number not a fax number so you're going to have to stop it and start over, all that shit warrants a fucking genocide. If it were up to me I would establish death camps for fax machines.
E-Mail is the future, you heard it here first (probably not, but humour me). Although it's not all sunshine as you know, there are a few flaws that could do with addressing.
First off, those goddamn chain e-mails 'If you send this to 10 people you'll be happy and have a good marriage and other bullshit whereas if you don't your soul will burn for all eternity'.
Grow. The. Fuck. Up.
I've never thought I'd see anything more pathetic and idiotic as the chain letter until the day I saw the first chain e-mail, it's people that send chain e-mails that think that fax machines are still useful tools, well there's only one tool in this scenario, yeah that's right, the douches themselves.
Virus e-mails, these goddamn e-mails that virgins who don't have any friends, who live in a basement or a loft with nothing to do send on mass to wreck peoples computers, these suck more balls that Lindsay Lohan looking for a crack fix (I've seen pictures of her recently, you know as well as I do that she's on something). Have you ever noticed how people warn you about virus e-mails that you never come into contact with? What's more irritating is the 'advice' you get from some people 'Hey, if you get an e-mail saying 'I'd love my computer to be ruined' don't open it! They're saying on the radio that its really bad, you should just delete it'. Thanks for the early warning there Mr.Wizard.
E-mails selling shit, if I'd purchased something from every e-mail selling me something, by now I'd have about a million automatic garage doors, traveled more places than Willy Fog and would be working in porn, oh, and I'd have run up enough debt that the Mafia would have to invent a new form of torture to inflict on me.
I still get e-mails from American Express just because I once watched those Seinfeld and Superman commercials... Damn they were enjoyable.
Apart from those few moans and groans E-Mail is tops, everything I've mentioned above can really be stopped by just starting a new e-mail for important stuff (chatting to friends and buying DVD's). E-Mail has saved my sanity in the work place, as well as allowing me to make some purchases I'd never have had the energy to muster on a walk to the shop.
So I salute you E-mail, im sure you will prevail for generations to come or until something replaces you.
E-mail has made phone calls obsolete. Who wants to ring someone up? No one, not really. What people want to do is either talk to the person face to face, e-mail them or not contact them at all. I don't like phone calls, unless its with someone I know really well (like my parole officer) otherwise they're just frustrating. I watched a fascinating film on human interaction, it was called Hitch, in it the Fresh Prince of Bell-Air explains that the majority of human communication is in body language or possibly that its ok to be dorky and fat if you're mega rich, something like that, im not sure, I was keeping my eyes peeled for a Jazzy Jeff cameo that never came, what a wasted opportunity.Phone calls blow, if they're short and to the point they're bearable, if for instance you phone up your local take-away and order a pizza its ok, you communicate something, the other guy is cool with it, boom, that's it, done, just sit back and wait for your pizza, also it might be a good idea to get together some cash.
When it's long winding conversations and your in the middle of something there's nothing worse, when was the last time someone rang you up and they actually asked if you were busy? Everyone seems to have this preconceived idea that you'll be thrilled that they rang you, well it aint fucking so.
While im on the topic of how phones suck, what's the deal with answering machines these days, specifically leaving messages. I can count on one hand the number of times someone has left a useful message and im not asking for much, 'Errr, this is Jeff, calling about Lost', that would be fantastic, I'd know who rang and have an idea about what they wanted to talk about, how amazing would that be! But no, every message is just the sound of someone hanging up, was what they were calling about of such little importance that they couldn't leave a sentence to sum it up? Probably.
You know what else e-mail has made obsolete? Fax. Fax is the demon of the Office world, it's this undead monstrosity which does its utmost to cause suffering to the living. I would take a baseball bat to every fax machine in the world if I could. The amount of times I've stumbled round an office looking for a fax machine or had to find a roll of paper for one, or an ink cartridge, or set one going only to find out what you've got is a phone number not a fax number so you're going to have to stop it and start over, all that shit warrants a fucking genocide. If it were up to me I would establish death camps for fax machines.
E-Mail is the future, you heard it here first (probably not, but humour me). Although it's not all sunshine as you know, there are a few flaws that could do with addressing.
First off, those goddamn chain e-mails 'If you send this to 10 people you'll be happy and have a good marriage and other bullshit whereas if you don't your soul will burn for all eternity'.
Grow. The. Fuck. Up.
I've never thought I'd see anything more pathetic and idiotic as the chain letter until the day I saw the first chain e-mail, it's people that send chain e-mails that think that fax machines are still useful tools, well there's only one tool in this scenario, yeah that's right, the douches themselves.
Virus e-mails, these goddamn e-mails that virgins who don't have any friends, who live in a basement or a loft with nothing to do send on mass to wreck peoples computers, these suck more balls that Lindsay Lohan looking for a crack fix (I've seen pictures of her recently, you know as well as I do that she's on something). Have you ever noticed how people warn you about virus e-mails that you never come into contact with? What's more irritating is the 'advice' you get from some people 'Hey, if you get an e-mail saying 'I'd love my computer to be ruined' don't open it! They're saying on the radio that its really bad, you should just delete it'. Thanks for the early warning there Mr.Wizard.
E-mails selling shit, if I'd purchased something from every e-mail selling me something, by now I'd have about a million automatic garage doors, traveled more places than Willy Fog and would be working in porn, oh, and I'd have run up enough debt that the Mafia would have to invent a new form of torture to inflict on me.
I still get e-mails from American Express just because I once watched those Seinfeld and Superman commercials... Damn they were enjoyable.
Apart from those few moans and groans E-Mail is tops, everything I've mentioned above can really be stopped by just starting a new e-mail for important stuff (chatting to friends and buying DVD's). E-Mail has saved my sanity in the work place, as well as allowing me to make some purchases I'd never have had the energy to muster on a walk to the shop.
So I salute you E-mail, im sure you will prevail for generations to come or until something replaces you.
Great post. You've summed up my thoughts exactly.
Jeff
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