Clubbing : The Culture of Wankers
* Theres been a little gap in posts but any keen readers of the blog should know that my computer is currently with PC world, hopefully my jail time for downloading dubious albums and manga will be brief *
Okay, I like to get drunk and on occasion I like to do a bit of socialising, especially with strangers. So being a young person you'd think 'Oh, he must like clubbing then.', well you'd be wrong, because the fact is that im not a complete wanker.
Where to start with reasons for clubbing = shite? Hmmm, im going to have to go with dancing. Dancing is pathetic, to quote a great man;
'Dancing makes me envy cripples.'
Truer words have never been spoken, now there's classic dancing like foxtrot and the like, then that bad ass break dancing where people flip about on the floor and there's made up shite that people expose others to when drunk. Im sure you all know which type of dancing occurs at clubs.
Secondly, drinks in clubs cost around 3 times more than in the real world, why is this? Hmmmm, I can only put it down to some kind of wanker tax. I am of course over looking the ridiculous waiting time at the bar to get served, oh wait, no im not, it sucks.
Oops, I've totally skipped over some annoying things that can happen when trying to get into a club;
If your footwear is not to the bouncers liking, your not getting in.
If your not prepared to spend the best part of a tenner at the door, your not getting in.
If your in too large a group, your not getting in.
If your kind of young looking and aren't a female dressed like a whore, your not getting in.
Oh and if your wearing any kind of jacket/coat you'll want to put it in the clubs cloakroom, so there's another quid to spend there and another long queue.
Lets say you've managed to get in to the club unscathed with all your party (Or did you got out clubbing on your own you loser?), apart from the dancing and the overpriced drinks your going to have a great time, or are you?
Some random shit that has happened to people I know while out clubbing;
* While on the dance floor one of my friends felt a sharp pain in their back, they ran their hand over their back and pulled out a needle with the message 'Welcome to the HIV club' attached.
* A few friends were minding their own when they were suddenly forced out out onto a landing by a gang of bouncers and all patted down for drugs.
* A friend was thrown down a flight of stairs by a bouncer and then the bouncer and his bouncer mates proceeded to give him a good kicking, all of which was dished out for pretty much nothing.
* Another friend was nearly finger sodomised on the dance floor, she gave the bloke a good hiding but still not very pleasant.
I could go on but I think I've made my point, clubbing sucks, don't buy into this bullshit pass time due to peer pressure.
Especially don't go clubbing to 'pull', I've had a few dubious encounters while clubbing and pretty much regret all of them. I've yet to meet any female of substance while out clubbing, im not saying she doesn't exist but in a club, what odds have you of finding her?
Im pretty sure at some point you are going to ignore my sage like advice and try out the clubbing scene, so here's my advice, keep relatively sober (you can still walk and talk), don't try an alcoholic beverage you haven't tried before and try to keep with your party for as long as possible.
Oh, if your a shortish woman and approached by a gentleman known as 'Mike the Bike', don't worry, he's perfectly safe.
Okay, I like to get drunk and on occasion I like to do a bit of socialising, especially with strangers. So being a young person you'd think 'Oh, he must like clubbing then.', well you'd be wrong, because the fact is that im not a complete wanker.
Where to start with reasons for clubbing = shite? Hmmm, im going to have to go with dancing. Dancing is pathetic, to quote a great man;
'Dancing makes me envy cripples.'
Truer words have never been spoken, now there's classic dancing like foxtrot and the like, then that bad ass break dancing where people flip about on the floor and there's made up shite that people expose others to when drunk. Im sure you all know which type of dancing occurs at clubs.
Secondly, drinks in clubs cost around 3 times more than in the real world, why is this? Hmmmm, I can only put it down to some kind of wanker tax. I am of course over looking the ridiculous waiting time at the bar to get served, oh wait, no im not, it sucks.
Oops, I've totally skipped over some annoying things that can happen when trying to get into a club;
If your footwear is not to the bouncers liking, your not getting in.
If your not prepared to spend the best part of a tenner at the door, your not getting in.
If your in too large a group, your not getting in.
If your kind of young looking and aren't a female dressed like a whore, your not getting in.
Oh and if your wearing any kind of jacket/coat you'll want to put it in the clubs cloakroom, so there's another quid to spend there and another long queue.
Lets say you've managed to get in to the club unscathed with all your party (Or did you got out clubbing on your own you loser?), apart from the dancing and the overpriced drinks your going to have a great time, or are you?
Some random shit that has happened to people I know while out clubbing;
* While on the dance floor one of my friends felt a sharp pain in their back, they ran their hand over their back and pulled out a needle with the message 'Welcome to the HIV club' attached.
* A few friends were minding their own when they were suddenly forced out out onto a landing by a gang of bouncers and all patted down for drugs.
* A friend was thrown down a flight of stairs by a bouncer and then the bouncer and his bouncer mates proceeded to give him a good kicking, all of which was dished out for pretty much nothing.
* Another friend was nearly finger sodomised on the dance floor, she gave the bloke a good hiding but still not very pleasant.
I could go on but I think I've made my point, clubbing sucks, don't buy into this bullshit pass time due to peer pressure.
Especially don't go clubbing to 'pull', I've had a few dubious encounters while clubbing and pretty much regret all of them. I've yet to meet any female of substance while out clubbing, im not saying she doesn't exist but in a club, what odds have you of finding her?
Im pretty sure at some point you are going to ignore my sage like advice and try out the clubbing scene, so here's my advice, keep relatively sober (you can still walk and talk), don't try an alcoholic beverage you haven't tried before and try to keep with your party for as long as possible.
Oh, if your a shortish woman and approached by a gentleman known as 'Mike the Bike', don't worry, he's perfectly safe.
