Are you up to the test!?

This post was going to be how Hollywood keeps making lousy films based off comic book characters just because its the 'in thing' at the moment, which pisses comic book fans off to no end but its kind of a heavy rant and im in a light hearted mood.

Okay, before we start, this is not the top 5 comic book characters to have sex with, after reading this I don't want anyone going 'These are all guys! Homo! lol!'. What im ranking characters on is their abilities as a drinking buddy, wingman etc.....

Also please note that some characters are out of the running, the list is far too large to type out but just a taster of those that didn't make it are -

*Wolverine - I know, he's a kick ass guy, he's had way more than his fair share of booze and women and generally a good guy. However, the first thing is that with his healing factor he'll have to be drinking all night to be as wasted as you, seriously, he'll have to have 6 bottles of Jack Daniels before he feels anything, much like Slash from Guns and Roses, or Velvet Revolver if your with the times. So by the time he's drunk the night is over, not good. Secondly, if for some reason he should become unconscious (maybe he drinks straight meths all night or perhaps Sabretooth jumps him) with the adamantium inside him he's going to weigh more than you're capable of carrying and its going to be weird explaining to people why you can't move one 5'6 dude all by yourself.

*Any Kryptonian - So that's Superman, Supergirl, Superboy or even that fucking Superdog. These guys can shrug of missiles, hell they can fly into the sun and come back with just a mild tan. They would have to be drinking weeks in advance to even get a slight buzz and there's no way im organised enough to arrange that.

*Daredevil - The guys blind. I know that seems harsh but as your buddie its his job to make sure you don't start making out with some ugly girl and he wont be able to determine the woman's looks one way or another. If anyone wants to start going off about his sonar then I have to reply that in a busy club with music/people talking it would be next to useless.

Okay then, lets begin the top 5 comic book characters to go drinking with;

At Number 5 - The Flash

This was almost the Human Torch, I figured we order up some flaming sambucas but get the Torch to do the flaming himself and all the bar will be lapping it up but then I figured he may pose a fire risk. The Flash beats the Torch for a number of reason, number one, if at the last minute, maybe after a shitty day at work, you phone him up, suggest going for a few drinks *BAM* he's at the bar before you are. On top of that if he gets drunk he can move really fast, thereby speeding up his metabolism and removing the booze from his bloodstream. Could be very handy. The Flash is full of confidence and will be psyching you up for girls or pulling a honey himself, as well as quickly becoming friends with the whole bar, and you get the reflected glory.
I don't think I even have to mention the benefits of going drinking with the Flash and then being stuck without a lift home.

Number 4 - Mr.T

Okay, before anyone starts accusing me of picking a non-comic book character, back off, I was in a comic book store the other day and I clearly saw a Mr.T comic book.
I challenge you to find someone who doesn't like BA, if you manage to find that dude, get him to talk to Mr.T himself, I bet after 5 seconds the guy is kissing his ass and begging him to say 'I pity the fool'.
Also Mr.T could probably help you hook up with a black chick.

Number 3 - Lex Luthor

What's this I hear? Booing and hissing? The first and only super villain in the top 5, I don't care if he's a bad guy, hell I don't care if he's got a Kryptonite ring on every finger, this guy would be cool to hang out with.
The guys loaded beyond belief, you go to a club with this guy, he gets in a few rounds and your going to be drinking the best stuff on the planet, add to that you start talking to any girls and you tell them they can come back to '...my friends mansion', your getting laid just on reflected glory, no two ways about it. On top of that when drunk im sure he'll let slip some stock tip which will make you richer than your wildest dreams. You'll notice the top 3 characters are all very wealthy, not my fault, you will have an awesome night in the presence of these dudes.

Number 2 - Professor X

Similar in a few ways to Lex, he's bald, he's loaded but there is so much more to the Professor... he's paralysed from the waist down. Now don't be shocked, stay with me for a second, if you go to any club/bar.... wherever, they are not going to turn you away when your wheeling in a guy in a wheelchair, its not going to happen. And when your in the club/bar, you can wheel the Professor anywhere you dam well please, without even saying excuse me, you can park in the most crowded area and stand strong as long as you want, I've seen this happen. Should any trouble occur during the night the Professor can put the mental kabosh on whoever's being a tool, how cool is that? Add on the fact he's loaded and owns a mansion and you have an amazingly close contender for number 1, which brings us to....

Number 1 - Iron Man

Now I wonder how many people saw this one coming, yes Tony Stark or the Invincible Iron Man is number one. Either going somewhere with Tony Stark or Iron Man is going to get you noticed. As Tony he's rich as hell and can pay his way into anywhere, as Iron Man no ones going to mess with him. Now what puts him at number one? The fact that he's a huge alcoholic, I would love to see a fully armored killing machine demanding a drink and being refused, call me twisted. So you get all the advantages of a super rich guy, a super powerful guy and you'll always look good as his understanding friend helping him through his alcohol addiction.

And there you have it, after hearing all these comic book advantages you know why Alicia Masters dates the Thing, why Rick James hangs out with the Hulk and why Lois Lane runs the risk of being ripped in half each time she gets it on with Superman. That's right, comic book characters rule.

Till next time old chums!

The Wanted Man says: What do you think? I don't think its set up quite right, im tempted to link some sites but I think i'd get sued

Braggy says: It's an excellent start to your blogging career

What a difference a sentence can make (wasn't that a song?). After a smidge of positive feedback I find I have the energy to continue on the championing of long dead shows.
Before I get started, if anyone recognises the name of this post and what its from, your a legend in my book. If you actually are a legend, like say King Arthur or Jesus and are somehow reading this and don't recognise the name of the post, don't worry your legend status is in no way affected.

Okay, where were we? A rundown of shows that TV asshats have axed, sounds a little unimaginative but screw it, I've started and am too lazy to think of anything else now.

Freaks and Geeks - Amazing show, the guys who put this together have my never ending respect, a friend introduced me to this show long after it was cancelled and am forever indebted to them as well. The casting is perfect, from the main cast to the minor, so many stand out episodes, apart from being hilarious I think its greatness stems from how it captured the feeling of being an outsider perfectly.

Undeclared - Okay, im going out on a limb because I've never seen this one but im constantly told by a friend of how fantastic it was, and this is a guy with brilliant TV show taste, so it gets a mention for that. And secondly it was made by the same people who made Freaks and Geeks so you know its worth buying on DVD, just because I haven't got my ass round to buying it yet, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. How about this, whoever buys it on DVD and then tells me about it will get a mention in my next post. I'll say your fantastic, actually you put what you want me to say and it goes down (god help me, please let the person who buys undeclared be somewhat normal, please).

Angel - Five strong seasons, Spike had joined the cast, what happened? Some pussy at the WB figured one of the establish shows had to be axed and Angel drew the short straw. Yeah, that was wise (he said sarcastically). Off topic, we really should invent some sort of punctuation for sarcasm, it is the language of the of the 00's. Maybe a kinda double dot in the air, like for eyes rolling or something, yeah I know it would look like speech marks but I think that's a good first attempt.

Firefly - Now this was fantastic, thank god were getting a movie to tie some of the loose threads together, I was at the cinema with a friend, the trailer for Serenity came on, afterward they commented I was making sounds..... 'as if you were having an orgasm'. That's how good the show was, and they axed it. Funnily enough the last few eps of Firefly were shown in Britain before the US, it was funny that US fans were asking their British friends to upload a US TV show, kinda like Bizaro world.

What? That's four, you want more? *sigh* fine, okay, let me think....

The Norm Show - Funniest sitcom ever, bar Seinfeld, yes its funnier than Friends, yes its funnier than Will and Disgrace, and if you disagree then you haven't watched all episodes of all shows and made a fair analysis and if you have and you still think Norm isn't as funny as those two tampax adverts then your a retard. I hate to be the one to break it to you but there ya go. It was only 3 seasons young and it got axed, I think this belonged to ABC, so boooooooo on ABC. If your after episodes I heartily recommend fakenews.net.

Shasta McNasty - God, I almost left this one off. This is what Friends should have been, a bunch of friends that hang out and are funny. It had Jake Busey on amazing form, yet to be repeated elsewhere as far as I know, Vern Troyer who some will know as mini me, if I ever meet the dude I will not mention Austin Powers. We all know Waynes World was a lot funnier.

Okay that was actually fun, I got to remember a lot of happy times, not from my own life but hey, beggars can't be choosers. So until next time 'Thunder Cats Ho!'

Yes! My little blog is working, now to win you all over that im funny and interesting. This probably wont happen but I figure its worth a try. I think if I throw in 'thuder cats ho!' every now and then people will like me, perhaps Seinfeld quotes or failing that stripper stories that are only partially exagerated, much like the strippers. Oh! See what I did there? No, neither do I.

The title of this post is quoting Neil Partrick Harris who was hilarious in the first episode of 'How I Met Your Mother', now my first rant is the suspicions that this show is going to be cancelled, thats right, after the first episode people are talking about cancelling it. Now this may or may not happen but tv networks have axed so many of my favourite shows that I beleive this is a ripe subject for me to start ranting on.

Okay, note to tv execs - *NO SHOW IS GOING TO BE SEINFELD OR EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, THAT BECAUSE OTHER SHOWS ARE OTHER SHOWS*, Everybody loves Raymond was cancelled this year *finally someone noticed the show was well past its prime* and now everyone is scrambling round for a show that will emulate is emmy success and high ratings, pretty big shoes to fill and if your feet size is even remotley is question, well they're going to be hacked off (that was a pretty violent metaphor but I beleive an apt one).

Okay, this has gone on longer already than I expected so heres a rundown of some shows that were axed at the height of their powers or were simply never given the chance they deserved. In no particular order, well obviously some order, like the order I remember them in -

Downtown - Watch this, seriously, if your friend talks about this show but never lets your borrow it, break into his house while hes out and steal it. Cut short after only 13 episodes, your going to detect a theme that MTV are tools when its comes to good shows, if you don't i'll ram the idea down your throat.

Undergrads - Again, great show, comes closer to giving you an idea of college than a thousand episodes of Saved by the Bell : College years ever could. Funny characters, enjoyable stories, kick ass soundtrack with an ending to the first season begging for second that MTV ignored, MTV are tools when it comes to good shows.

Clerks - Cancelled after only 2 episodes, shocking, the network in their infinite wisdom aired the 2nd and 4th episodes, the 2nd episode doesn't make much sense if you've never seen the 1st. Most people I know own the whole series on dvd and I hope who ever decided to axe this got axed himself. Oh yeah, MTV are tools.

Family Guy - Got axed twice but is still with us. For anyone deluded enough to think that petitions saved the show, I say two words 'DVD sales' yeah, I know that dvd is technically an acronym but my point still stands. This show got axed twice, its the funniest thing ive ever seen, whoever tried to axe this has no soul, I'd call him a tool but some tools have uses.

*Sigh* Ive had enough for now, when ive got a little more energy I'll go over live action shows that got unfairly axed, and maybe someday soon i'll explain my PIC worship, until then, Thundercats Ho!

*Imagine the music that plays at the end of Thundercats*

Hi, im a whiney dude who wants to rant but doesn't know much about starting a blog, just checking if this will come up on the site.