Are you up to the test!?

So yeah, im back. I've been back a while now but I've only just got round to putting finger to keyboard. Amsterdam was good, I did pretty touristy things but I had a good time. The place I stayed at this time round was run by Americans which made it quite sureal, hearing all the Amercian twang while having a nice smoke.

Apart from the Americans everyone else obviously spoke something other than English, be it Duth, German or French and I actually miss that now. I wish to god I couldn't understand all the vapid, boring conversations I hear round here. It's ace when people are talking and you can't understand them as you can imagine there talking about something really intellectual and interesting, instead of bragging about how many pints one had the night before or how good x factor was.

It must be said that im a bit of a chunky monkey these days, I think you're officially of the flabby simian variety when you have another spare lard to smother a small child. I could manage a rhino with my belly but fuck it, big is beautiful and im not shaping my body to the ideals of a image obsessed society and all those other arguements ive heard large people on Oprah use.

Aren't customs weird these days? Coming home they were x-raying shoes if they had a 'thick sole'. I saw a lady be asked to take her high heels off but a dude wearing docks was left alone. I don't understand the logic, are terrorists only hiding their weapons inside ladies fashion or something?

I really need to get back to the good old days when I actually had a proper subject to pontificate on. I'll have a suck on one of these hemp lollies (I doubt they do fuck all but who knows?) and get back to you.