Are you up to the test!?

Now then, did you all have a good christmas? Got fat on quality street and mince pies? Eeee, you cant beat the days between christmas day and new years, just aimless days of eating shit and doing fuck all but watching films off telly.

I've found myself in some interesting binds, while typing this post im not watching the lizzie mcguire film, tragic, but my readers are worth this sacrifice.

How many days did it take you to getting round to storing away your presents? Its a kinda fun but annoying job of finding space for socks and soap sets (the standard present fodder), you kind of become a mini warehouse manager as you assess possible storage spaces throughout the house.

Im supposed to go to a fancy dress type affair on new years eve but still have next to no costume, I wouldn't mind but I don't live that far away from a fancy dress shop but ever day I fail to summon the energy for the 10 odd minute walk, im trully a lethargic bastard. Whats partially putting me off though is my lack of ideas, I was thinking of going as Bowie but thats like a proper project, I might just buy an eye patch.... or possibly a moustache. Maybe both.

Going as a pirate, the desperate mans option. Still, better than nowt.

This afternoon im thinking of either watching Zathura or the Pianist, I've never seen either film before and even though I know I should really watch the Pianist, I can see myself watching Zathura. It won't be a patch on Jumaji, I know this deep down but still one can hope. I like Adrian Brody as well and the work of Polanski, its just going to be a bit heavy going isnt it?

Is it just me, or is this Santa doing a Nazi salute?


Apologies for low quality of pic, it was taken with me phone.

Now Im famous, well... famous might be too grandiose a term, Im known... alright, I have a tendency for avoiding major news items (always feel like someone else has probably said the same thing) but I just want to point out one thing.

And its not some bit of shite humor, like those fucking awful jokes you hear, y'know? Like, err....

What's the difference between Mr.Kipling and the Ipswich Ripper?

Mr.Kipplin puts six tarts in a box.

It's not nice is it? Also, it doesn't really make sense as Im sure Kipling will have someone to do the whole tart boxing thing for him. Plus, are all the victims going to end up in a box? What about cremations? The whole thing just doesn't work.

And it's not to do with the BBC making that interview available to the public, no, but it is to do with something I noticed on the BBC website.

When you put the cursor over that dudes picture, it comes up '...so and so's myspace picture'.

...

...

Myspace?

...

The Suffolk Strangler has a fucking myspace? Now that's kinda funny isn't it? Not in a ha-ha kinda way but a, I dunno, 'isn't the world a fucked up place' kinda way?

Imagine if that dude asked you to be his myspace friend and in a moment of 'whatever' mentality you accepted, just think, that dude would be one of your 'friends'.

Funny.

* Christmas shopping is a right pisser. I don't like it, I especially don't like you smug gits who do it all online. It's just not the same without a few cuts and bruises. Those cuts and bruises are no joke. My sister got KO'd in the Disney Shop, on her arse she was. Seriously, Christmas time brings out the worst in people.

* Used a new can of shaving foam this morning, the first thing that came out of it was a jet of freezing air onto my hand. It stung like fuck, it was reminiscent of that scene in Terminator 2 where the T1000 gets soaked in liquid nitrogen.

* I was aghast, yes aghast, the other day while walking through the city. A lady who was sat in a car thought it was alright to flick her lit cigarette out onto a busy street, it missed me by about an inch. The level of fucking ignorance was astounding, her car was stationary due to traffic, if I was a nutter I would have most likely smashed her windscreen. I mean, how would she have liked it if I'd have thrown my crisp packet into her car?

* While doing some x-mas shopping in pound land for people im only so-so about I beheld a visual treat. Four of five lads fervently stocking up on flavored condoms, they were carrying more than they could hold in their hands as they hastened to the checkout. If I had to use one word to describe them it would be this - optimistic.

* How come music channels can get away with playing songs that feature words such as 'bitch', any time day or night but Paramount comedy can't broadcast the word 'ass' on two and half men? It really winds me up.